Someone not looking like David Beckham isn't a news story

Is it him or isn't it?...Lookalike David Beckham fools punters in Tunbridge Wells

What may be a news story is the population of Tunbridge Wells suddenly becoming blind, but the website doesn't report on that.  The one and only comment (at time of writing) by 'rommers1' says it all:

"You know who looks more like David Beckham than him?  Everyone."

Dogs swallowing tennis balls isn't a news story

Double fault as two dogs swallow five tennis balls between them

Blue Cross veterinary surgeon Nigel Smith said, "... sadly it's not an uncommon problem."

Woman doing jigsaw isn't a news story

Picture this, in 24,000 tiny pieces

It's a big jigsaw, yes - but surely there must be some expectation that people will do it if it's being sold? It's not even the world's biggest jigsaw.

Or is the news story actually "woman now has horrendous decor"?

Postmen not walking down a dangerous alley isn't a news story

Royal Mail postmen refuse to deliver letters to woman's home because they are scared of slipping on pigeon poo

The path was slippery and there was broken glass.  Residents were told that their post would be held at the local sorting office (from where they could collect it), and the council would be asked to clean.  The council did clean, deliveries were resumed within three weeks.  Major disaster befell all.

A sandwich being a little bit small isn't a news story

Is a 'foot-long' REALLY a foot? Subway under fire after it turns out its famous sandwich is only ELEVEN inches

It was 11 inches rather than 12 - and caused "an uproar".  Said uproar being measured, as always in the Daily Mail, by the number of people commenting on and liking a picture on Facebook.   If only they were to look at the comments on their own site from time to time:

"... the sandwich looks squashed and the sandwich quite plainly has been cut in the middle, which suggests the possibility the sandwich has been "doctored" for want of a better word. Come on DM why are you wasting our time with this rubbish. It takes particularly low editorial standards to allow a story where the corporation looks like the victim of a hoax" - liked by (at the time of writing) at least three people.  Is that enough for "an uproar" yet?

Interflora's press release isn't a news story

Drag 'n' drop bouquet: For a bespoke online gift, click your own blooms
Floral bouquet web shop blossoms

DESIGN YOUR OWN VALENTINE’S DAY BOUQUET WITH MY INTERFLORA CREATION

Not content with churning over the press release, including unverified claims that it's a "world first", the Daily Mail can't resist the old stereotype that men are hopeless at buying flowers.  The Express somehow manages to make two stories out of it.